Can i not drive my cunt home
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
