i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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