i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
