I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
