He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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