Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
