Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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