I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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