Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
