I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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