just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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