I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
