he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
