my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
