I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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