did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
