I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this boner is exhausting
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
