big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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