As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My breasts were aching with rage.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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