i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
