I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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