Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
