Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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