there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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