I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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