I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
