Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
