drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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