That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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