Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
