my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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