I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
