Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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