I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
