I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
