How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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