I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she told me i tasted like america
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
