We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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