i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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