I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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