i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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