Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
