my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
