I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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