Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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