your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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