I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
