i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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