i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
