Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
