i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
